Monster-in-law (a.k.a Mother-in-law)

Day 1:

Mom: Son, what did you have for dinner?

Son: I had some bread and chicken curry, Mom.

Mom: Bread!! Did I hear Bread ??

(Mom gasps for breath)

Son: Yes Mom.

Mom: Is it filling for you, Son? How come bread will be enough for you at night?

Day 2:

Mom: Son, what did you have for breakfast today?

Son: I had some Pancakes, Mom.

Mom: Pancakes !! Did I hear Pancakes???

(Sound of glass shattering all over the floor)

Son: Yes Mom.

Mom: But you never liked Pancakes before?

Son: Mom, I have grown up.I love pancakes now.Cant we just talk something else?

If you are lucky to be blessed with an understanding husband, you can expect quite a similar reply as he knows where she is taking this conversation.(In most cases, they knowingly don't respond to similar questions, not that they are really caring about their wife..they just want to avoid further clashes at home..)But if you are married to any of those delicate, ultra possessive, don't-hurt-my-mom's-sensitive-feelings kinda boy, please never ever expect a favorable response.

Long back, one day when I stepped in our DVD rental shop, I was amused to see a funny poster of a Hollywood movie "Monster in Law".The poster very much revealed the theme of the film, which is my all time favorite subject (Sshh...I'm not researching on this topic,or on MILs).The movie was really funny as I could relate to it.



How do these wars begin?

Most daughters-in-law accuse their husband's mother of 'unreasonably jealous maternal love'.While mothers-in-law feel the new female additions are terrible manipulators who take full control of their son's lives.Due to this contradictory thinking, both of them struggle really hard to achieve the so called "First Lady" position in the family and then starts the "Cold War".

* Definition of Cold War:

• MIL and DIL won't cross each others path even under the same roof.
• Spy the other person's phone conversation and interpret each phrase for your convenience.   
• Desperate, individual efforts in preparing the son/husband's favorite dishes (but, very careful in avoiding the other person's choice of dishes.)
• Buy a detective lens and scrutinize the nook and corner of other person's wardrobe for some solid evidence to frame the person against the always unresponsive (shouldn't it be in bold letters??) "between the devil and the sea" king of son/husband.
• Complain about the time the other takes to cook, talk to neighbors, go for buying groceries or even to bathe.

Oops!! that's a never ending list..

Wearing the shoes of a Daughter In Law :

During my college days, I used to dream of getting married to a family where I would have a very friendly, fun loving, supportive MIL with whom I could be completely honest, go shopping,watch movies and tease my husband (that would be her son).I would be lying if I said things turnt around the same way I dreamt.

Aah !! sometimes dreams are just dreams !!

However I strongly believe and have experienced that a healthy,trust-able relation can be maintained with your MIL, if you believe in yourself. Your mother-in-law, can definitely become a powerful pillar in your personal as well as professional life. Its not difficult, just follow the "Give and Take" policy.This might not work all of a sudden,but don't lose faith in yourself. Just keep trying..may be after years..she will be able to realize your value in the family.

• Sit down with her whenever you are free or take some time to talk to her over the phone and have a heart-to-heart talk with her. 

Are you short of topics for discussion?? Let me think.(*thinking*)Okay, you can gossip about someone..neighbors,colleagues,but always be careful not to criticize her family or your husband too harshly in the beginning..Yup..that's the technique lady!!
Wait, you can start gossiping about your relatives or family. (*wink*) She will be more keen to listen to you.Just kidding !! don't get me wrong.

• The most important thing is to consider and treat your mother-in-law equally to your own mother.
• Give her the assurance that you are not here to steal her position/authority from the family or her son's love.
• Don't forget to surprise her with gifts/phone calls on special occasions.(After all, who doesn't like gifts)
• If you both are staying together,make sure you help her in the household chores (You can even take the complete responsibility of the house once in a while..and let her know that its a free day for her)
• Once in a while take her for a shopping spree and ask her to buy the things she likes.
• Accept, show respect and be open for her suggestions and advices.

What do Daughter-In-Law expect from their Mothers-In-Law:

• Always consider your daughter-in-law as your own daughter.

Make sure you and your family members never neglects her needs and emotions. Ask her opinion and interest for family matters and respect her for what she is, the same you would have done with your daughter.

• Don't reprimand on each and every matter.

She might take some time to adjust to the new atmosphere and people.Sometimes, the anxiety to prove herself can end up in mistakes. Don't condemn her, instead you can talk calmly reassuring she can do much better.

• Stand by her side and give her the assurance that you are there for her.

Always enjoy in her happiness, be the shoulder she can cry on in her sorrows, encourage her ambitions, in short, stand by her side and never make her feel deprived of her own parents love and support.

• Give them more space to know each other and don't interfere in their personal matters.

Oh yeah !! You gave birth and looked after your son all these ages, but now as he is married, your daughter in law holds the prime position in his life, and you should be able to accept that fact (weren't you thinking the same long back). During the initial months, they might be curious to know each other, give them their space and encourage your son to take her out for a movie or dinner. She will definitely accept you as her mother than an in-law.

And finally, a joke on this regard..

Husband: Dear, this afternoon the big clock fell off the wall. Had it fallen a moment sooner, my mother would have been hit on the head and badly hurt.
Wife: Oh, my God! That clock has always been slow.

I know, I know...one day I will be a MIL...and my DIL is going to do the same...but I hope and have made a promise to myself that I will definitely break that norm and better try to enjoy the days with her.. (*sigh*) or will I be joining the gang unknowingly?? (*eek*)